Coffee and Blunder.

(at least the rice noodle company is formal and respectful, in a Filipino sense.)

I admit, I am guilty of pronouncing it before as ‘fo’ ’til I was corrected just a few months back. When I saw this delivery van about 2 weeks ago parked in harbor view, I had such a silly grin on my face and felt a sort of relief knowing that I am not the only Filipino guilty of pronouncing PHO as FO let alone PO.

The Vietnamese girl who swore to hunt me down in my own country if I mess up with ‘the powers that be’ said that its properly pronounced as “fuh” (like ‘duh’).

OK children, repeat after me, ‘FUH’. agaaaaaaaain, ‘FUH’.

It was my first time to attend a blogger event. I don’t have THAT much online blogger friends like I used to, most of them “retired” from blogging years ago. Reminds me, I was hoping I’d see Ricky in the event but he wasn’t there. I’ve known him online since I was 16 and we haven’t met in person. (I swear!) My brother accompanied me to the event since he also blogs and I didn’t want to look oh-so-lonely. I was introduced to some guys like Juned and some other bloggers. Its good to see the faces behind the blogs. We were with Phoebe most of the time, she was sharing some beauty tips (and Jayvee’s “beauty” secret), her first day in culinary school and I was able to take a peek inside her kikay kit err, lunch box?

Food was great, I like that they had fruits and my peyborit Reyes Barbeque, hehe… and of course FREE COKE ZERO! Too bad we had to leave early that my brother and I didn’t get to take home our free case of Coke Zero. (but we did grab 4 cans each before leaving. buahaha!) My brother enjoyed the overlfowing beer too! He had 4 bottles of San Mig before we left the event for Float Fridays at Club Ascend with some friends.

As a self confessed Pepsi addict, I can tell if I’m drinking Pepsi or Coke but between Pepsi Max and Coke Zero, I couldn’t. I tried drinking both drinks iced, there wasn’t any taste difference. But COKE ZERO is more catchy than Pepsi Max in terms of packaging and the ‘name’, plus the former is also more affordable. From now on I guess I’ll go ZERO SUGAR!

My brother just got back from Australia last Friday. After complaining about how humid and hot it is here in Manila he then requested for us to go the nearest Jollibee and enjoyed 3 servings of his favorite Jollibee Spaghetti!

Being the BoNa Java Junkie that I am, I got a kick out of seeing this Van yesterday when I got my Pink Panther fix. Its an old Volkswagen Transporter Van painted black then stamped with a huge BoNa Logo. It also reminded me of those art cars back in the hippie era as I’ve seen in some films. I heard those ‘art cars’ are sought after collector’s item. Cool, vintage! I love its simplicity really. See, I am a huge Jewel fan back in High School and I remember reading that for a time she was poverty-stricken and lived in her van whilst traveling. Yes, I thought it was a cool idea to also live in an artsy-van…

I’ve only seen a Starbucks van once here in the Philippines (see blue van picture below) during an AC fair I think. I just thought its cool but I wasn’t like OH WOW STARBUCKS VAAAAN! like my friends were. I googled to see what a US Starbucks van would look like and there…

To be honest, its like an ice cream truck, covered with lots’a graphics. Kinda like Pimp My Ride but with lack of style. So, which one do you think is better?

Last week, I went to Market! Market! for an interview at Infosys. At the Sucat tollgate I had to get a card because my epass is low on credits. I’ve seen some really lousy ads on those cards say like Smart’s Jasmine Trias ad, those real property ads with a picture of their model units, bunch of logos of different companies, sometimes just a plain white card. It was pretty interesting because for the first time they had a pepsi ad. Yes, I’m mababaw like that… I just dig anything PEPSI. It was a simple ad but then really catchy. (at least for me) Then upon entering the fort bonifacio area from C5, I saw another pepsi ad that says, “love is a battlefield, get some scars.” really interesting.

I arrived there around 9am which was too early because Market! Market! opens at 10am but look at the picture below… Yes, all these people are waiting in line for the mall to open! The queue is actually longer but I didn’t take a picture. Its funny, I overheard a small group of people saying, “$!#@$ ang tagal namang magbukas ng mall, ang init-init na dito sa labas!” “…sana malakas aircon sa loob pagpasok natin.” Panalo talaga!

because we are a country of eternal hope…

whichever side you’re on, Happy Independence Day!

I used to religiously update my food log everyday but since the start of this year, I haven’t been logging on to calorie-count.com - a free dieting website and online community. Their food log is really cool, it’ll automatically calculate the number of calories you consumed for the day!

I decided to update my weight log few mins ago and its just frustrating. I started at 240-ish lbs last year and tonight, I’m at 230 lbs. I only lost 10 lbs. Well I haven’t been really working out and I’ve been really idle too. I know that I can reach my ideal and goal weight at 120 lbs if only I can really religiously work out like before.

I really need to do something about my self-esteem issues. *sigh*

I recently had blood tests and I’m glad my blood sugar and cholesterol level is a-okay despite being more than 100 pounds overweight. I really need to stop eating midnight snacks and goodbye anything-silog. My weight is making me depressed and sluggish, I really want to get into shape, still more pounds to go and calories to burn.

I went to confession on monday with my mother and the lil’ sis. As penance, the priest told me not to drink pepsi for one week which I find kinda weird and funny. But hey, its really difficult for me considering Pepsi is like water for me, I couldn’t last a day without Pepsi! I’m on my 3rd day now and I still have a few more days. Hopefully I can completely stop my Pepsi-addiction…

My escape to Negros and a stay at the Carmel Formation Center served its purpose.

I don’t want to put my life on hold anymore, I realized that every minute I spend moping around is what’s holding me back from a better future. See, this is not only about love although a huge chunk of it is. I fear lots of things, failure, loneliness, abandonment, looking/sounding stupid etc. Fear overwhelms me, I guess thats why my life is unmanageable. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself, for feeling so mediocre and for wishing someway somehow someone would rescue me out of my fearful situation. I need to stop obsessing, I need to to think about whats best for me, I need to be strong. I need to put my heart, soul and mind into getting my life back in order. I need to set some goals and deadlines for myself like I used to and start putting my life back together.

Every person has a flaw even a well intended person is going to hurt you one way or another. Like what my mum’s mentor said, getting hurt comes with the territory, you just have to decide whether you can take it or not. I’ve been crying unexpectedly sometimes I don’t even know why. Probably because I’ve invested more than what I could afford to lose and now I am emotionally bankrupt. I’ve put myself in a very vulnerable and painful situation yet again. As much as love can be a beautiful experience, it also is cruel. Sometimes you know that there is nothing that person can say or do to make you feel better maybe do or say small things but thats like placing a band aid on your heart, you’ll feel better only but for a moment. Letting go of someone you love is a painfully agonizing thing but wounds heal, the heart heals its just that… sometimes it takes longer than others.

Well then, I need to start some sort of self preservation without leaving and ostracizing myself…

Because…
I miss Geneve, ‘think about her quite often still.

I feel lonely, lost and confused.
I cant stop thinking about YOU.

I’ll be in Negros for about a week and when I get back hopefully I’m all better. Cheers ya’ll.

This is so hard…

I can’t help but cry really. I thought I’m already in deep shit after a “break-up” but I’m in even more shit now plus being unemployed and all. I lost a friend last year, same month and now… another friend.

She was involved in a car accident on Saturday morning and suffered a serious head injury. Her heart stopped beating at 9:05AM. Doctors tried for about 30 minutes to revive her but she was already gone. Her boyfriend had to hold me up as we walked into her room, my knees were so weak and I could barely breathe. I was hurting so much, the pain is just indescribable, its just soooo hard. I feel like I just lost the other half of my soul, I don’t know how I will go on. I am devastated, absolutely devastated.

I miss you so much more than I ever thought possible.

Everything is just so unreal still… It was all too sudden.
Her dad requested that I deliver the eulogy, the most difficult thing I ever had to write.

Its just overwhelming.

I always felt safer with you around, and now that you are gone, I feel so incomplete and vulnerable.

I miss you so much its ridiculous.